


Triggered

by scarcelyMischievous



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Before the Awakening-compliant, Comfort, Death, Flashbacks, M/M, Tramatization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7609186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarcelyMischievous/pseuds/scarcelyMischievous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Although he tried to not let it get to him, Finn never liked seeing Poe with a blaster. The last time he saw the pilot use one resulted in the murder of a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triggered

**Author's Note:**

> (That was the best title I could come up with and I apologize in advanced hnngh)
> 
> Anyway, this is basically the result of the procrastination from other works I should be writing.

When Poe wasn't on the ground, Finn thought he belonged in the sky. Part of it was because Poe always flew with such ease and confidence, like the open space was made just for him. His skills were amazing, and Finn always felt pride and admiration swell up inside of him whenever he saw Poe take an X-Wing for either a training routine or a regular spin.

The other part of it was that he never wanted to see Poe with a blaster again.

It was unreasonable, Finn knew, because if Poe was on the ground and needed something to defend himself with, a blaster would be the most ideal. But whenever he saw Poe holding one, it reminded him of that fateful night.

All of the troops had been eager to be deployed on Jakku, especially after hearing about how important the mission would be from Captain Phasma. There were even rumors that the infamous Kylo Ren would be there, so of course this had to be big.

Finn was just about to board the carrier leading them to Jakku when he realized one of the people of his squadron was extra nervous. It wasn't unusual with this particular stormtrooper, however; FN-2003 had every right to be scared. Up until recently, he had barely passed every training session they had, with clumsy effort. It was the reason everyone called him Slip, after all. And now here they all were, about to be sent off to their first real mission with such high stakes.

Finn walked over to Slip, who jumped at his presence. “You feeling all right there?” he asked.

Slip’s expression was hidden by the mask, but his overall wobbly stance was enough to show how anxious he was. “This...This is it, isn't it? Everything we've worked up for, we're finally going to make something of ourselves. We're actually stormtroopers now.”

“Yeah, we are.” Finn smiled faintly, although he worried for Slip. He'd always worried for him ever since he'd known him.

As his squad leader, Finn should have been honest and said that Slip wasn't cut out for this kind of work. Captain Phasma had even made it a point to use Slip as a test for Finn, to see just how well he could balance in between practicality and worthless sympathy.

Finn never saw his sympathy as worthless. He truly believed in Slip, along with all of the other squad members. Everyone had to work together, and they were only as strong as their weakest link. He had more confidence in Slip than the clumsy stormtrooper did in himself. Even when Slip had grown apart from Finn’s constant protection and got along better with the rest of the team, leaving Finn out. He didn't care, so long as everyone was doing okay.

But maybe Finn really should have just suggested Slip to stay doing mundane chores rather than field work. It would have been so much safer.

Of course, that's not what happened. Finn patted Slip’s arm encouragingly. “We're going to get through this swiftly, just like in the simulations,” he said. “As long as you put in everything you got, remember all of your training, and have a little faith in yourself.”

Slip stood up taller at that. “Yeah-- Yeah, you're right!” he said, the enthusiasm growing in his voice. “And we'll win one for the First Order. It'll be great, and we'll be war heros!”

God, those words made Finn’s heart ache as he thought back on them. It was the last thing Slip had said to him before they all got on board and rode in silence to Jakku.

Finn wasn't expecting the chaos that followed. He didn't expect the murder of innocent people, he didn't expect to see Poe aiming right at Slip, and he didn't expect to be the one to reach him when it was too late, and the last thing Slip could do was weakly reach out to him for help, his bloodstained fingers tainting Finn’s helmet.

Finn tried to convince himself that he shouldn't be so hung up over this. What happened then finally opened his eyes to just how evil the First Order is. It was a life changing moment, and Poe with his blaster helped with that. And yet, Slip’s image was forever burned into his mind, a man who was determined to prove that he had something to offer. He didn't deserve to die. No one that day deserved to die.

“Finn?”

Finn jumped a bit and spun around quickly to be greeted by Poe, who had concern written all over his face. “You okay there?”

Finn rubbed the back of his neck. He was about to say that sure, everything was fine. Nothing to worry about here. But one of the things he loved about Poe was that he could be completely honest about his feelings. He shook his head, staring down at his feet.

Poe reached for Finn’s other hand, leaning close and tilting his head, trying to figure out for himself what had gotten Finn so upset. “What's wrong?” he asked gently.

“I just…” Finn sighed. “I was remembering Slip again. Sorry.”

Poe raised an eyebrow, before looking down at his belt and realizing that he had a blaster in its holster. Finn had disclosed a lot of his life as a stormtrooper to Poe, even things about Slip, so he knew just what had hit a nerve.

“Aw, geez--” Poe hastily turned the holster around so that the blaster was at his back, out of Finn’s sight. “No, _I'm_ sorry. I forgot about that.”

“You might need that in another battle one day. I shouldn't let this stop you,” Finn said, and yet he could see it even more vividly; Poe, hiding for cover among the debris, peeking out only to shoot at the first stormtrooper he saw before Finn could so much as utter a warning. Poe had no choice, he had to defend himself if he wanted to make it out alive, and Finn knew this perfectly well, but Slip was just following orders, he was just trying his best to be a good soldier, and he was killed right before Finn’s eyes--

He felt arms wrap around him, and it was then that he realized he had began to tremble. Poe was resting his head on Finn’s shoulder. “That kind of thing isn't easy to get over, Finn, I understand. I'm sorry that I had to do it in the first place.”

Finn closed his eyes, breathing shakily as he returned the embrace. “It's all the Order's fault,” he murmured. “All of this, all of the senseless pain and murder. You're right, it's not an easy thing to get over, but I'll try my damn hardest if that means we'll get one step closer to taking them down and finally ending this.”

Poe rubbed Finn’s back comfortingly and nodded, pulling back enough to kiss his cheek. “And that's exactly what we're gonna do. You're a strong guy, Finn. I believe in you. We'll put an end to the First Order, for everyone's sake. Even Slip’s.”

Finn nearly choked back a sob, but the corners of his mouth twitched. “Even Slip’s,” he agreed.


End file.
